Holy moly.

As I was going under on Tuesday in the operating room, I felt the stampede.  It was still going yesterday (Wed) as we returned home, and long into the night…in fact I think it’s still happening.  Thanks so much, all of you, for carrying me/us.  Whether it was in the form of a thought, prayer, energy, light, a candle,  a comment, an email, a card,  a visit, some nourishment, reassurance, concern, or just pure G.O. energy, thank you.

Tuesday started out with a bit of a bump as they tried to access the port for the IV.  I don’t want to go into too much detail, but after 3 attempts at the port and 2 attempts in my arm and my hand, we went up to nuclear medicine without an IV.  I felt a twinge of sympathy for the nurse who was the primary.  I’m sure she felt bad about it all.  Anyway, they did not need the IV in nuclear medicine, so it was ok.  I know both B and I were holding back on thinking that this was not a good way to start the day.  G.O.’s don’t think that way.

ANYWAY, the first proceedure to take place was to shoot small amounts of a  substance around the biopsy site.  As I was getting these shots B was on the cell calling the Cancer Center where I received chemo to ask them what size needles they used to access my port.  The first 3 injections stung a bit, the last one a lot more, but we got through it.  I was glad B was otherwise occupied on the phone, I’m sure it would not have been a joy to witness.  Basically the substance would show the path of drainage for this tumor and would lead the surgeon to the sentinel node.  This node is the gateway into the lymphatic system under my arm.  I had to massage the area and then they had me lie on my side and back in 3 different positions.  They took two 5 minute pictures and one 2 minute picture.  In the middle of the 2nd picture, I heard the tech say something like “there’s that node”.  This was wonderful to hear as they warned us that it could take 45 minutes or longer, or they might not even find it, which they said wouldn’t be a bad sign.  The camera they use is a flat screen that comes down over me on a table similar to a CT set up.  I sort of imagined that I was the batter and it was the waffle iron.  Fortunately I didn’t get squished or eaten.

Then we went to preop again, and a different nurse came and accessed a vein on her first try.  I was told I had to lose my favorite flannel life-is-good snowman pants, which was very disappointing.  Then I was swooped away to the OR.  B was sent to sit vigil for eternity in the waiting room that had no plugs for the laptop with a tired battery.  I have no idea how he managed during that time.

I barely remember hearing people and asking to see B once I was in recovery.  I clearly remember it taking a looooooooooooooooooooong time for me to focus and get the cotton out of my mouth.  Having B there was just what I needed.  I had an ace bandage with a lot of padding wrapped around my chest.  It felt very secure and comforting to me.  The drain was pinned to my johnny.

The room I was given in the hospital was on the river side and I had the bed by the window.  It was perfect as far as hospital beds go.  I asked to leave the curtains open so I could see the sunrise, and not only did I have that, but someone was in a kayak coming down the middle of the river as the dawn broke.  I imagined it was me and I had a delightful ride.  The night was not too bad.  B left just as friend D arrived, and her company totally made up for the unidentifiable object on my dinner plate that was masquerading as a veggie burger.  Fortunately the broth in the vegetable soup was tastey, and I had apple sauce to keep me quiet.  I really was not that hungry.  I slept shallowly but well I think, and the care was excellent during my stay.  I was warned that I’d pee green from the nuclear substance and the blue dye that was used during surgery…it was actually a very deep blue green.  Kinda neat as far as colored pee goes.  I was happy to see it coming out of my body.

The surgeon showed up early in the morning.  I was so happy to see her.  The day before surgery she called me to go over questions and all, and as we hung up she said “I’ll take care of you, I promise.”  That was a jewel that I carried with me into this phase, along with all of you.  SO she immediately wanted to check out the incision.  I sat up and before I knew it she had unwrapped me and was checking things out.  I decided to just go with the energy, and my first glance at the site where a breast used to be was not as devastating as I thought it might be.  I think I have been processing this since the first mention of mastectomy in July, and I’m sure I’ll be processing it for a long time.  I am feeling some relief today.

The surgeon told me that she felt very good about what she saw/didn’t see.  She took 2 nodes out for analysis, the sentinel node and the next one.  She said they were small and squishy which is what she hoped to find.  If there were obvious hard places in the nodes, it might mean that the tumor was growing in there.  There may be ‘trace’ cells of the cancer that the chemo evicted, but that would be expected.  SO those nodes are on their slimy way way to the lab for microscopic analysis.  We should hear that news either Friday or Monday.  (The mid week holiday may have slowed things down).   If there is positive activity, then she will likely have to go in and take more out.  If not, that would be the end of being cut open as far as I can tell.  I feel very hopeful.  This surgeon is wonderful.  She sat with me for long enough, answered every question I had, offered more info and gave me a hug before she left.  I will see her next when we go in to get the drain removed, probably early next week.

The hospital offers a free Reiki service, so I called for it and someone came up just before we left.  It was so good to leave.  I slept the whole ride home.

S is a friend, has a lot of experience as a breast care nurse, and is my daughter’s friend’s mom.   Her experience has been so valuable to us.  Basically everything she said about mastectomy has been my experience:

1. doctors and nurses love to look at incisions.  You HAVE to tell them if you   are not ready to look  yourself.    2. you are going to feel better than you expect to.   3. the drain will do its job if you do your job (like don’t pull it out or render it useless by not ‘priming’ it after emptying it)

She came to see me/us yesterday just after I woke from my nap.  It was reassuring to hear her complement the incision and to get her assessment of things.  She even brought me a better chart than the hospital gave me to record the drainage.  What a blessing.  While she was visiting two friends stopped in and of course we hugged.  S made no bones about me hugging all these people the day after surgery, and told me she would not hug me for at least 2 more days.

Another nurse friend came by later and said with the most sincere and loving look “I’m so glad it’s gone”, as she looked over the beautiful work of our surgeon.  When I went to bed, I made sure extra pillows were over my incision incase the rhino-katz decided to pounce.  I slept very soundly.

I am truly amazed that I feel so good today.  The pain is more of a muscle ache than anything and is not constant.  I have occasional twinges along the incision line, but not much.  It is easy to just stoop over away from a stretch, but it feels much better to bring my shoulder back and extend my arm to the side just a bit.  I am being careful.  The doc wanted me to do an exercise where I walk my arm up the wall with my fingers as far as I can without straining.  There will be more once the drain comes out and this will be important because as the incision heals it will want to pull everything tight and I don’t want that.

I have some appetite.  I made myself lie down before my ride to acupuncture.  Another nurse visit and peek at the incision which looked healthy.  My spirits are good.  B has been amazing through this.  A and E are mostly focused on their lives, and I want it that way, most of the time.  This has to be weird for them.  Our angels are swarming and the endurance is amazing.  I’ll keep giving updates as I can.  So far so good.